Introduction
Introduction By: Patrick Nolan
Welcome back to Decode Your Diagnosis.
I’m Patrick Nolan, the anchor from the Rings of Resilience digital team.
When we think about resilience, we often imagine grit, toughness, or pushing through. But in this chapter, we explore a different kind of strength to be gentle with ourselves. Paul shares how self-compassion became one of the most powerful tools in his healing journey, especially when facing the guilt, fear, and frustration that chronic illness can bring. This chapter invites you to turn inward with kindness, and to discover how softness can become your superpower.
The Power of Self-Compassion
Written By: Paul Cobbin
Narrated By: Paul Cobbin
Imagine this: You’ve just had a setback. Maybe your symptoms flare up unexpectedly. The inner critic swoops in: “Why didn’t I do more?” But what if you paused, took a breath, and instead said: “This is tough, but I’m doing the best I can.”
That’s self-compassion. It’s about learning to treat yourself with the same understanding and patience you would extend to a friend. It’s not about ignoring mistakes or challenges; it’s about responding to them in a way that promotes resilience and growth. For Titans, self-compassion can become a steady companion, helping you navigate life’s ups and downs with grace.
What Does Self-Compassion Look Like?
Self-compassion is a skill that you can develop, and it starts with small, intentional acts of kindness toward yourself. Let’s break it down:
Self-Kindness: Imagine speaking to yourself like you would to someone you deeply care about. Instead of saying, “I can’t believe I failed again,” you might say, “I gave it my best shot, and that was enough.”
Common Humanity: Think back to a time when you struggled and felt alone. Now remind yourself that everyone faces challenges. You’re not broken; you’re human, and that’s a shared experience.
Mindfulness: Picture a river flowing calmly. Each thought and emotion is a leaf floating by. Mindfulness is about observing those leaves without clinging to them or pushing them away. You simply watch them drift.
These principles weave together to create a mindset that nurtures growth and helps Titans maintain alignment across Mind, Body, and Soul.
Why Does Self-Compassion Matter?
Let’s imagine two Titans. One faces a setback and berates themselves, spiraling into frustration and self-doubt. The other takes a moment to breathe and reminds themselves that setbacks are opportunities to learn. Which Titan do you think will move forward with more clarity and resilience?
Self-compassion doesn’t erase challenges, but it changes how you face them. It can:
Boost Resilience: Helping you bounce back from difficulties faster.
Calm Your Inner Critic: Quieting that harsh voice in your head that says you’re not enough.
Strengthen Your Trinity: Aligning your Mind, Body, and Soul through acts of kindness.
Barriers to Self-Compassion
It’s not always easy to be kind to yourself. You might think, “Isn’t self-compassion just an excuse to slack off?” Or, “If I’m too soft on myself, won’t I lose my drive?” These are common misconceptions. Self-compassion isn’t about letting yourself off the hook. It’s about treating your effort with fairness and choosing to move forward with intention.
Other barriers might include:
Perfectionism: Believing you must get everything right to be worthy of compassion.
At the time of my prostate disease diagnosis, I was a perfectionist. I wanted to maintain control, even when control was no longer an option. My inner critic bombarded me with relentless self-doubt: “How could this happen to me? Why didn’t I prevent myself from getting cancer?”
The cycle was endless. I couldn’t switch it off. That was, until I read Solve for Happy by Mo Gawdat. In his book, he suggested naming your inner critic to create distance from its negativity. Once I gave my inner critic a name, I could finally talk to him like a noisy neighbour: “Thanks, Charlie. I’ve heard you but I am focusing on the next step for now.”
This small shift in perspective helped me regain control, not over my diagnosis, but over my response to it. Self-compassion wasn’t about eliminating fears; it was about learning to live with them in a healthier way.
Cultural Norms: Growing up in environments that equate toughness with strength.
Healing after a major medical event, like my heart crash in 2024, required more than just physical recovery, it required emotional healing, too.
When I saw my heart health drop from 60% to 42% in a matter of weeks, I was overwhelmed with guilt. How had I let it get this bad? Wasn’t I doing everything right? I was so caught up in blaming myself that I failed to see the larger picture.
It wasn’t until I took a step back and worked with my mental health professional that I realized something crucial: The heart crash wasn’t a failure. It was a signal. My body was communicating an imbalance in the heart disease, and it was up to me to listen and adjust.
By shifting my perspective from self-blame to self-awareness, I was able to focus on solutions rather than regrets. I identified stress as a key factor, made lifestyle changes, and within months, my heart health had rebounded beyond where it had started. Self-compassion was not just a comfort, it was a necessary tool for recovery.
Fear of Vulnerability: Worrying that being kind to yourself is a sign of weakness.
For years, I resisted vulnerability. I wanted to appear strong, capable, in control. But chronic illness doesn’t care about appearances.
One of the greatest lessons I’ve learned is that embracing vulnerability doesn’t mean giving up, it means accepting where I am and taking action from that place of honesty. During the AcuGraph organ function test the results were clear: My health had improved more in the last year, since embracing a decoding mindset, than it had for a long time.
Why? Because I stopped striving for perfection and started focusing on alignment. Instead of trying to force my body into an ideal state, I learned to work with it.
By prioritizing balance over unattainable perfection, I was achieving measurable progress. Instead of pretending I had everything under control, I sought support and allowed myself to grow.
Recognizing these barriers IS the first step to breaking through them.
Cultivating self-compassion is not a solitary journey. As you learn to treat yourself with kindness, it naturally opens space for deeper connection with others. In the next chapter, we explore how surrounding yourself with the right people and support structures can multiply your resilience and help carry the weight of your diagnosis together.
Key Insight
Self-compassion is not a sign of weakness, it’s a powerful act of strength. When you meet yourself with kindness, you create the emotional foundation for real, lasting growth.
Practical Reflections
This chapter is short but its concept is often overlooked by us all because it seems weird to offer ourselves self-compassion. As a gesture of encouragement I am going to ask you to do two things in this practical reflection. First, do something right now as an affirmation in the form of a call-to-action and then follow through with the regular exercises in the Awareness Workbook.
Call-to-Action
Take a moment today to reflect on how you speak to yourself. Practice self-compassion in a small way whether it’s by reframing a self-critical thought or taking a deep breath when challenges arise. You are always welcome over in the Decode your Diagnosis Substack publication to share your experiences.
Your Questions
When was the last time you were hard on yourself?
How did it affect your energy or outlook?
What would it look like to meet that moment again with compassion instead of criticism?
What’s one kind thing you can say to yourself today to support your Alignment?
Fama’s Sidebar
Self-compassion isn’t about ignoring mistakes or challenges; it’s about meeting them with kindness. What’s one kind thing you can say to yourself today? Small acts of self-compassion lead to big changes over time. Remember, you’re doing the best you can.